Many people know how hard it can be to dump someone. Sometimes, it just has to be done. Maybe she cheated on you, or he hurt you, or it’s just not working out in general. Even when you know that neither of you is feeling any connection or chemistry, sometimes sating those words and officially ending the seriozni zapoznanstva can be torture. At times, while a relationship is not working, you’d like to maintain a friendship. This can be very hard to do, and, I’ll admit, not always possible. I can’t tell you how to make it happen since every situation is different (and I haven’t mastered that yet, myself). However, I can tell you what doesn’t work, and what you should never do when dumping someone (and that I have mastered, unfortunately).
- Do not use clichés or be mysterious –
If you want to remain friends with your soon-to-be-ex you need to tell him or her why you feel the relationship is not working. Saying something like “It’s not you, it’s me” or “maybe someday you’ll understand” not only does not explain anything but also shows your future ex hat you don’t care about or trust him enough to tell him how you feel. You’re leaving a raw and unresolved problem, and it would be difficult to get around it in a friendship.
- Do not do it online or over the phone –
This is the “cowardly” way to do it, and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s tempting. But, like in my previous point, it just makes the other feel like you don’t care. It’s also easier to lie when you’re not in person, whether you intend to or just inadvertently try to hide your feelings.
- Do not have someone else do it for you –
I went out with a guy for a week once, and it simply wasn’t working, so I told him we needed to talk. He agreed to meet me later. I told a friend how I felt and that I was planning on dumping him. Before I got a chance to end the relationship myself, my then-boyfriend instant messaged me online. “I know what you wanted to talk to me about. So-and-so told me.” This is a horrible way for a relationship to end. Even though I was going to end it anyway, this hurt ten times more. Don’t do this. Seriously. (Needless to say, I did not remain friends with either of them for much longer).
- Do not hook up with someone else –
All this will achieve is bitterness, hurt, and distrust. It will also alert your new hook-up pf your possible cheating habits, and he might not trust you. Why kill two birds with one stone? (Assuming, of course, that you aren’t hunting, and the prospect of dead birds is an unpleasant one in the least).
- Do not let the relationship die out on its own –
I’ve tried this one, too. I was going out with someone (who was also a good friend) when I went away for the summer. When I came back, the relationship just… ended. Neither of us said anything, and we eventually moved on to other people. This was both the easiest and hardest breakup I’ve ever had. I avoided the hurt of the actual process of breaking up but had to live with the hurt that followed me afterward. We tried to pretend as nothing had happened, but our friendship was never the same, and eventually, like the relationship, died out. We only spoke about it a year later, and by then it was too late. My advice to you is this: don’t assume that dealing is easier when you don’t go through a legitimate breakup. Trust me, it’s not.
I hope you never have to go through a breakup, but just in case you do, keep these few things in mind.